Do you feel your child struggles with anger, or their behavior is explosive or out of control? Perhaps you've tried all kinds of strategies, from time-outs to rewards, to no avail, and continue to see your child overcome with frustration and anger. I am here to tell you that you are not alone! According to the Child Mind Institute, one quarter of all parents report they are concerned about their children's behavior or mental health. Dr. Ross Greene's book, The Explosive Child, offers a unique and compassionate approach for parents to foster understanding for children who feel easily frustrated and chronically inflexible to support these children better.
Let's dive into Dr. Greene's approach and learn how it can help you and your child persevere through those challenging moments and work to eliminate them!
Why Do Kids Explode?
One of the significant takeaways from Dr. Greene's book was, "Children will do well if they can” (Greene, 1998). What this means is that your child does not act out because they intentionally want to make life hard for you but do so because they lack specific skills to handle frustration.
Flexibility: Being able to adapt to unexpected situations or when things don't go the child's way
Frustration tolerance: regulating emotions when they are feeling frustrated or angry
Problem-solving: Utilizing coping mechanisms to work through difficult emotions or challenges
Small situations can incite massive emotions when children lack these skills, leading to explosive moments. Dr. Greene believes these behaviors signal that your child may need assistance learning these skills rather than more punishment or stricter rules.
Dr. Greene has created the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS) Model (Greene, 1998) to assist in developing your child's skills. In the model, Dr. Greene outlines three approaches for handling behavior issues but suggests Plan B as the most effective way.
Plan B (Collaborative Problem-Solving): Plan B is a collaborative conversation where you and your child share your concerns and work towards solutions. The Plan B process has three steps:
Empathy Step: Ask your child what is happening and gather information from their perspective without judgment. For example, if they have frequent temper tantrums when asked to do homework, you might say, "I notice you're having a tough time with homework lately. Can you tell me about it?"
Define the Problem Step: Then, compassionately share your concerns. You might say, "I know homework can be difficult, but I want to ensure you are keeping up with school, so you understand what is happening in class."
Invitation Step: Here, both you and your child brainstorm solutions together. This might look like having a special snack during homework or setting up a routine that works for both of you, like playing on technology after completing homework.
Dr. Greene's approach is not about giving in to the children but creating a foundation within the relationship that helps them feel secure and supported, especially during those challenging moments. This is not always easy, and things may get tougher before they improve! It is important to practice patience with yourself and your child. Every step forward, even small ones, can lead to significant improvements over time. If you'd like support with this approach or just need someone to talk through your child's unique challenges, our team at The LEAP Clinic is here to help!
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